


Laser Pointers

by orphan_account



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, and spy nearly passes out from laughing so hard the poor guy, basically scoot becomes a lot like a cat when he puts on the cheetah set, poor medic becomes a scratching post, sniper no sniping, sniper/spy if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 22:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4937581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea to let the Blu Scout go out on the field in such a state, especially when there was a Sniper on the enemy team who knew how much cats loved chasing laser dots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laser Pointers

**Author's Note:**

> Gee, I wonder which two sniper rifles are my favourite ones HMM.
> 
> Completely inspired by this gif and I have absolutely zero regrets: https://38.media.tumblr.com/752e0170aba1b822d01e8b59f26cf88b/tumblr_nun5qaVVUb1u7fzqxo1_400.gif
> 
> My Tumblr: http://charspurpletooran.tumblr.com/

There were very few things Sniper enjoyed as much as shooting people between the eyes, but having spotted the enemy Scout wearing a certain personality-altering outfit, he’d more or less silenced the Blu Spy the second he’d heard him decloak behind him, and waved the Frenchman over to his side. Now Spy wasn’t sure why Sniper was shoving one of his rifles (was that the Machina?) into his arms, nor why the man had moved his coffee mug and pat at the crate next to him with what could best be described as a giggle. But Spy wasn’t complaining; the less Jarate thrown at him the better.

Tentatively taking a seat next to the man he was supposed to be stabbing between the shoulder blades, Sniper shushed him the second he heard the Frenchman open his mouth in question.

“Look” he murmured instead, resting the stock of his rifle against his shoulder and peering down the scope “Y’see ya Scout on the point down there?” Spy attempted to imitate the Sniper’s smooth movement’s, and – quite frankly – couldn’t see shit. Well not that that was true, he was fairly sure he saw a squirrel skitter across his sights.

“… Non” he wasn’t about to admit to the Sniper that one of the most stealthy long ranged weapons, wasn’t one he was familiar with using “rifles and scopes are not my ahh… speciality, bushman” Sniper peered at Spy from the corner of his eye’s and failed to stop his lips twitching up into a smile.

“You’re tellin’ me” he said quietly, blue eyes straying to the hidden pocket he knew the Spy kept his balisong in “lemme show ya then mate – here just-” he slung his rifle over his shoulder and circled around behind the Spy, pleasantly surprised when the man made no move to cut his throat “all ya gotta do is aim like you would your revolver, yeah? But ya gotta remember this ain’t no peashooter – it’s got weight n a nasty kickback if you do fire it which - by the way - you shouldn’t, my loadout’s got my AWPer registered right now, and I’d rather not explain why the Machina fired, ya got that?”

“Oui”

“Good man, now as I was sayin’… it’s got weight spook, you gotta rest that weight on your shoulder like…” Sniper’s fingers barely touched the Spy’s suit as he adjusted his posture and pressed the stock back against the Frenchman’s shoulder “s’easy… now you aim it like you wou- yeah like that. It get’s ya in the general area. And from there-”

“You adjust your aim to the millimetre via the scope, non?”

“You learn quick spook”

“…. As much as I’d hate to admit it bushman, that’s quite impressive” Sniper shot him a grin.

“Hell yeah it is mate – and I do that shit while you buggers are running around to boot” Sniper moved to sit down next to the Spy again, slinging his rifle off his shoulder and peering down his scope with a wry smile “you see ‘im now?”

Several beats of silence passed.

“… Oui, I do”

“Good. Now, watch him spook”

And in those following moments, the Blu Spy swore he’d never laughed so hard in his entire life.

The Blu Scout had taken to donning his cheetah set, a set that more often than not made the Scout act far more feline than he ever would without it. Demoman was convinced it was cursed, and slurred about it one evening after Scout had hissed at Heavy and proceeded to backflip out of the room in a ridiculous show of acrobatics. Spy never was entirely convinced.

But now?

Now he was positive.

Sniper clicked on the laser sight on his rifle, and Spy peered through the Machina’s scope, watching the small red dot flicker to life at the Scout’s feet. It took a moment, but when he did take notice of the little light, the feline ears atop the cap twitched almost curiously, and the runner’s eye’s seemed unable to pull away.

The Scout stomped on it, and Sniper snorted, flicking the dot further away from the runner.

The Scout pounced on it, and Spy was trying and failing to rein in his chuckles.

And then Sniper was making the Scout run in circles, do backflips, jump on his medic and sprint out of the control point in a blur of light blue. By that time, Spy had already lowered the Machina to his lap and howled with laughter, preferring to watch the scene down below with his own two eyes. Sniper had a toothy grin on his face, his eye never leaving the scope as he somehow kept the feline Scout sprinting around and jumping on people in a vain attempt to catch the dot. If he were completely honest he was sort of expecting to get shot in the face by the enemy sniper, but it never happened. Both teams had stopped fighting, and the RED’s looked up to the sniper tower equal parts confused and amused at the Blu team’s Spy howling with laughter, sitting right next to the source of the red dot.

The Blu team stared completely flabbergasted at the ridiculousness of their Scout, his eyes blown wide like a cats, and Medic swore he’d clip the runner’s claws the second the match was over. The Blu Demoman whipped his Eyelander out with vicious accuracy and pointed the swaying blade at the Scout accusingly. Everyone – both RED and Blue shied away from the crackling green fire that flickered around his one good eye.

“I fuckin’ told yas didn’ I? That bloody cap is cursed! But nooo Demoman, what the fuck would you know ‘bout curses! S’not like ye have a great sword that’s a wee bit of a smartass and bickers with ya over... o-” he hiccupped, scowled, and threw the sword to the ground with a petulant huff, producing a bottle of whiskey from god knows where and brandishing it threateningly at the blade “ya take that back ya rusted scrap heap! Me mum’s a very nice lady!”

“…Is the Demoman arguing with his sword again?” Medic murmured in question, rubbing at the paper-thin scratches that littered his arms courtesy of a certain cat Scout.

“Da”

“ _Incredible_ ”

The Blu Spy had slid off the crate at some point, his back flat to the floor and his legs propped up on the box, and he clutched the Machina to his chest like a lifeline. Sniper gave the man time to catch his wheezing breath before he flicked the laser dot off, turning to look down at the Spy – what he could see of his face was flushed red from laughing so hard, and the man clearly couldn’t stop grinning even if he wanted to.

“So…” he murmured “laser pointers?”

“Oui” the Frenchman breathed, his eyes finding the Australian’s “I will ‘ave to get my hands on some”


End file.
